A Rat's Ass

I think it may have been a confluence of factors that caused me to have a nightmare about mice and rats recently. 1: I saw the new movie, Nosferatu, where they employed hundreds of live, non CGI rats for maximum grotesque effect; 2: as a child we lived in one house where mice and rats competed for dominance, and 3: I accidentally ordered glue mouse traps and posted them on my local free cycle list where I was lectured in the comments about the cruelty of such traps.

I didn't argue with the people who objected, but I thought about the privilege that must go into prioritizing rodent life over a human's right to live in a pest and disease free environment. They must not have, for instance, have experienced watching a movie late at night on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and felt the whoosh of a silky and slightly damp rat running over their bare feet; or have thrown a shoe at the wall to stop the rats from gnawing the wood studs for a few minutes to try to get some sleep, or witnessed a battle to the death between their pet cat and a rat almost the same size that lasted half an hour of loud screeching and thumping inside their stereo console. We waited anxiously fearing our cat would be seriously injured in this spontaneous brawl. Our sleek and mighty huntress cat, Spot, just barely out of kittenhood, emerged unscathed. The rat died a bloody death. In the room where that happened, the rats had chewed the wood paneling about three inches up from the floor, so there was an optical illusion of the floor being suspended in mid air.

When I was a little girl I had three white mice as pets, but these experiences changed my perspective. I no longer saw mice as cute and harmless. In my recent nightmare mice and rats were living under my bed in a storage box. I went to the hardware store to buy something to drive them away, and was instead shown products to feed them and properly hydrate them now that they had sought shelter in my home. I became enraged and shattered the bottle of whatever they were trying to sell me on the floor and screamed "I'm looking for a way to get rid of them, not breed them!" I am grateful not to have a rodent problem now, but people who do have that problem often do not have the financial resources to put the mice on birth control, for instance. Lecturing the mice and rats on abstinence, or leaving microcondoms out for them would be equally ineffective. Glue traps are an alternative to poisons that could kill endangered species in the food chain.

Recently a friend of mine who is legally blind was driven out of her home by a mouse infestation. She was sick for a few weeks and could not return until pest control had eradicated the rodent issue. There was a danger of contamination because she could not see mouse droppings on surfaces, and there were nests and droppings in other places she could not find without assistance. The threat of sickness and disease from rodent infestation is very real. Maybe at the systemic level something can be done to make humane pest control more accessible to people, but I will never judge individuals using the resources at their disposal to keep themselves and their families safe. I will always prioritize people over pests.

They're Crawling Out of the Woodwork

My husband and I had a very unpleasant encounter on the bike path this morning. We live in a progressive suburban neighborhood north of Cambridge, so I do not often encounter overtly racist people.  We went for a walk and this older white lady who appeared to be in her 60's with a long blonde pony tail gave a me a hard stare and snarled at me "they're crawling out of the woodwork ." My husband was talking and didn't seem to notice. I nudged him and we both turned around to see her still staring hard at both of us, though we were now some distance apart.

Every time something like this happens, I never know how to react.  I was once called the n-word by contractors while supervising student workers on the job at Harvard. I floated into an altered state so that I could continue working, where I did not acknowledge the reality of what was happening, though I could see the upset reactions on my student workers faces, one of whom was Black, as they rushed to retrieve books from the stacks, and as I left for the day the reality of what happened hit me, and I knew I had a responsibility to report it.

I am aware that no matter what kind of person I am, or what I may have achieved as an individual, I will be perceived as an "other" first by entitled people with hatred in their hearts.  Out of the many news stories where Black people are targeted for hate and violence, the one that most deeply affected me was the massacre of Black people at they Tops Super Market in 2022. One of victims, Roberta Drury, looked a lot like me. Sometimes, just showing my face in public feels like an act of brazen resistance.

The voices that say we should just stop talking about how racism makes our reality different seem to be getting louder, like the push to remove critical race theory from schools, but silence just allows hatred and ignorance to grow stronger and fester in darkness.  There is a conservative push to change the narrative about slavery where rapists and pillagers who profited by exploitation of Black people are portrayed as astute business men whose victims are sub-human capital whose sacrifice was necessary for the survival of the economy.

Ironically, I fight a feeling shame for being targeted by racist people, when it's the people inflicting racial harm who should be ashamed.  We should be able to talk honestly and openly about our experiences and demand equality and respect. I am encouraged by the many warriors for justice of all races I have encountered over the years, and I am confident justice and love will prevail.

Ana Walshe: I Have Questions

How many times did you forgive,
Forget he said he would kill you
Before you married him?
Did he smile as you walked down the aisle
the way he smiled on his perp walk?

The bruises you showed on instagram
Were proud badges of your loyalty
To a man who had no heart,
no conscience, no sympathy.

No one knows where you are,
But he does.
Pieces of you on a rug, on the floor, in garbage bags, in the basement.
the rest of you may have been used for energy
to power the entire city...
You never shined brighter than you did that day.

You look so happy dancing, smiling,
posing on your wedding day.
He was proud to show you as his trophy wife,
and equally proud to take your life

Being a mother to his children did not save you,
Being beautiful did not save you.
Wealth and success did not save you.
But you became front page news
Because you are the perfect victim.

Because he said he was sorry,
Because he had suffered so much
Because he had so much promise
You gave him another chance,
Until you had no more chances.

Even White Privilege Didn't Save Gabbie Petito

I have been thinking about the Gabbie Petito case for a long time, following the news stories, the blog posts, the social media, the viral publicity her tragic case garnered. While I acknowledge that Gabbie, being an attractive, young, blonde, white woman helped her case gain national attention, I do not resent the publicity her case, and every bit of minutiae about it has received. Being white did not save her from the violence of a white man, even after the police were called. I am thinking in particular of the body cam video of the police stop of Brian Laundrie that played over and over again in the evening news, and how different it was from the body cam video of Philando Castile, Sandra Bland, Daunte Wright, and a mind numblingly long list of Black people in videos in police stops getting shot in a continual sickening loop. Seeing the movie portrayal of a Black police officer in the Gabbie Petito case when the officers were actually white seemed to me a grossly misguided case of color blind casting. Casting a Black man in the role of Officer Daniel Robbins served as a kind of erasure of the racial bonding at play between him and Brian Laundrie. How has it completely escaped the public's notice that Brian Laundrie's white privilege is what allowed him to convince the police that he, not Gabbie Petito, was the victim, and ultimately led to both of their deaths?

The police were very casual and polite to Brian Laundrie after seeing him drive erratically on the road following up on two calls reporting a man hitting a woman. Some quotes from the police transcript of Brian Laundrie's stop:

Officer Robbins: Driver is showing some obscure driving, possibly intoxicated. Currently doing 45 miles an hour, zone through here is twenty-five. Oh, subject just hit the curb...

When they finally stop him:

Officer Robbins: You want to place your vehicle into park and go ahead and turn it off for me...Do you mind if I take your keys and just put them on your hood?...Do you want to tell me about hitting the curb..Yeah, it took quite a bit to catch up to you...You don't have anything in your pocket, or anything like that do you?

Compare that to the police stop for Sandra Bland:

State Trooper Brian Encinia: "Hello Ma'am. We're the Texas Highway Patrol and the reason for your stop is because you failed to signal the lane change."

Moments later she was ordered out of her car and arrested because the officer did not like her attitude. Shortly after that she died in custody, by presumed suicide. Philando Castile was pulled over for a busted tail light, and ended up fatally shot by the police in front of his girlfriend and her child less than a minute later because he disclosed that he had a license to carry a fire arm as he was complying with the order to show his license and registration. In those cases it took far less than speeding, and driving erratically to enrage the police.

I can't help but think of how differently things might have turned out if Brian Laundrie was treated like a Black man. They would have presumed he was a dangerous criminal, cautiously approaching the vehicle with weapons drawn, barking at him in a commanding tone to put his hands where they could see them. He would be made to show his license and registration, disclose if he had weapons, ordered out of the car, patted down, cited for speeding, driving erratically and failing to stop, given a ticket, arrested, possibly even shot. Because Brian was white, they treated him like a man having a bad day with a difficult emotional woman, something they could bond over as men. They disregarded Gabbie's terrified, shrinking body language and her eagerness to accept blame that gave no indication of of aggressiveness. They decided he was the victim, though he laughed when they told him this, and gave him a hotel room for the night. They gave Gabbie a pass for her "abuse" of him, rather than arresting her. If Brian was Black, the police would not have dismissed the witness accounts of him hitting her so easily. He would have been made to face the consequences of his actions, one way or another, and Gabbie might still be alive. Brian might even still be alive. If it is so difficult for a clearly distressed white woman to get protection and justice from the police, how much more difficult it must be for Black women and women of color.

Travels in California

We spent our first two days in California in Oakland with my brother, Zeke. My husband, Dan, and I had arrived on Friday evening, checked into the Best Western Bayside, then had a quick dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant with Zeke. Our hotel had a beautiful view of the water from the room window, but the front side faced a highway and a blighted area with the word "Decolonize" spray painted in large letters on the wall. We were a short Uber ride from Zeke who lives near Lake Merritt. Saturday we met Zeke for a walk around the lake and a visit to the Farmer's Market, where in addition to a variety of vegetables and mushrooms we saw many vendors of afro-centric arts and crafts. Sunday we met my friend Laura and her husband, Sander at Fenton's icecream shop for lunch, then spent the afternoon walking down Piedmont Ave., visiting a mausoleum, shopping, and stopping at a Mexican restaurant for lunch. We had dinner one evening at a scenic restaurant in Alameda called Pasta Pelican that served "Chilean Sea Bass" that closely resembled talapia.The service was great, and the vegetables were delicious, however. We took the ferry to San Francisco on the third day.

We discovered that our Clipper Cards for the Bart system could be used to ride the ferry, and it became our favorite way to go to San Francisco from Oakland. Monday we walked to the Hotel Pickwick, the long way, through Chinatown, where my family stayed in the 70s. I can't believe that old hotel is still there. It seemed so much bigger when I was a kid. We had a delicious lunch of ceviche at La Mar Cebicheria. Later we took the ferry to Alcatraz. Alcatraz was very grim and forbidding, but also had beautiful gardens in unexpected places. After coming back from Oakland on the ferry, Zeke made us chicken piccata, and we saw Blood, Sweat, and Tears at Yoshi's in Oakland. That had been one of my Dad's favorite bands.

Tuesday we took the ferry to San Francisco again from Oakland's Jack London Square. We had a fancy seafood lunch at Scott's Seafood Grill & Bar- Oakland before embarking. In San Francisco we walked down Fisherman's Wharf before going to Haight Ashbury, which was far more Yuppie than hippie. We only went into a few shops and decided to leave. I was really annoyed when a woman in one shop tailed me so closely that I was reminded that though I'm a tourist spending valuable dollars, I was still shopping while Black. I put back the $60 in gifts I was about to buy and left. That neighborhood had more homeless people camping on the sidewalk than I saw in any other neighborhood. In its heyday Haight-Ashbury was 40% Black, but it is now only 3% Black. We walked to Golden Gate park, through the AIDS Memorial, rode a ferris wheel, and walked through the Botanical Garden before heading back to the ferry. That night we ate dinner at a very fancy Thai restaurant called Farmhouse Kitchen Thai Cuisine . The meal was delicious, but I lost my temporary crown, and from then on had to avoid crunchy food.

Wednesday we spent the entire day in Oakland and visited the Oakland Museum of California. We saw the spectacular Afro Futurism exhibit, and I also posted some pictures from the Black Panther and Gay Liberation exhibits. The Black Panthers were based in Oakland. I highly recommend the cafeteria here. The food is delicious, and I had a kumquat daiquiri slushy. This museum is a short walk from Lake Merritt scene of the famous Barbecue Becky video. Our visit was cut short by my futile attempt to visit a local dentist. I was told my tooth could not be touched because the crown was made specifically for it as it is now. That night Zeke made another delicious dinner for us accommodating my missing tooth.

Thursday and Friday we visited wineries. Thursday we took a half day to Napa Valley tour from Tower Tours, where we visited Madonna Estate, and Kieu Hoang Wineries. Friday we got a more personal tour from the lovely and vivacious, Laura Ackley, who I befriended at the GSD, and whose wedding I attended almost 20 years ago. She is the author of San Francisco's Jewel City: The Panama-Pacific International Exhibit of 1915, and a local history expert. She drove us around Sonoma Valley in her antique convertible car, and we visited Benziger and the Muscardini Winery Afterwards we had yet another spectacular meal at Vintners Resort and John Ash & Co. with her husband, Sander. We were later joined by the lovely, talented, scary smart, and outrageously funny, Lissette Chao. She kept everyone on their toes, and collapsing with helpless laughter simultaneously. I really am fortunate to have such amazing women friends.

Saturday was our last day in Oakland. After checking out we spent the day with my brother Zeke and Kyle. We walked the three miles around Lake Merritt, went to the vendors at the Farmer's Market. It was a scorching hot day. We did at least 10,000 steps every day we were there. We took the red eye back and got barely any sleep. We enjoyed our vacation thoroughly, but are happy to be home with our kitties again.

Is Slashing the incomes of contracted labor at the richest university a demonstration of Inclusive Excellence? An Open Letter to President Bacow

Inclusion and belonging, in my mind, is partly about building community. It’s about helping people to see themselves as part of Harvard when they look at Harvard. Great institutions find ways of capitalizing on the full range of ideas, experiences, backgrounds, and personalities to create a great community. Ultimately, diversity not only makes Harvard a more interesting place, it enhances the learning environment for everyone.

Lawrence S. Bacow, President of Harvard University

Dear President Bacow,

My question is, what actions do you take that demonstrate that you support inclusive excellence? The dining hall workers, security guards, custodial workers, and contracted labor have the highest concentration of BIPOC people at Harvard University, and they are the most essential and least valued in our community. Slashing their incomes demonstrates elitism, a lack of respect for their lives, and a lack of respect for the surrounding community, as this will add to the burden of an already inadequate social safety net. Do Black and Brown lives matter, only when they have overcome the persistent obstacles placed in front of them denying them the most basic of human needs? When individual effort and luck has allowed them to achieve academic excellence, or when they are the subject of a viral news story? That is an inhumane and barbaric idea, yet facts seem to bear this idea out.

People without income are more vulnerable to coronavirus, and have less access to good healthcare. These are the same people we depend upon most to do the most necessary, but least academically lauded of jobs. There is no learning without life. I'm sure your ability to pay contracted labor through the pandemic has no bearing on your ability to provide financial aid to students, and that it is a disingenuous opposition, to pit disadvantaged students against disadvantaged workers, so that the corporation can maximize its already humungous endowment.

The Federal government is stalling on a coronavirus relief bill, and only one stimulus check was released since the pandemic started in March. Harvard should not turn its back on people who provide essential services and want and need to work to sustain their lives, families, and communities. This subversion of the values you claim to uphold directly contributes to perpetuating systemic racism and inequality.

In Memoriam

Philando Castile, Cafeteria Worker, July 6, 2016

Breonna Taylor, EMT, March 13, 2020

Alvin Simmons, Custodian, March 17, 2020

George Floyd, Security Guard, May 25, 2020

Deirdre Edwards, Custodian, April 7, 2020

Andres Guardardo, Security Guard, June 10, 2020

Believe Black Women

Believe Black Women

We are in the midst of a pandemic, and a cultural reckoning with rampant police brutality, racism, and sex abuse of all genders. Our cultural, religious and governmental institutions are under intense scrutiny, but the people we have upheld as idols for their authority, status, and high achievements have enormous power to remain immune from the consequences of their actions. I'm talking about Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, the police, and yes, Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, and Russell Simmons.

A recurrent theme in the documentaries Surviving R. Kelly, and On the Record was that Black women fear that telling their stories about sexual abuse at the hands of a powerful Black man, would be viewed as a betrayal to the race, that they would not be believed, they would be forever defined by being a victim, and their careers would be ruined. That if Black women tell their stories, the Black people they love will be randomly subjected to more injustice, like George Floyd, Philando Castile, and Jacob Blake. These Black women's tears and vulnerability were a revelation to me as a Black woman. I had only seen Black women's anger, rage, humor, toughness, and resilience portrayed in the media. This is an unfair burden for Black women. Black women should not be the vessels to hold the pain of the violence, and humiliation inflicted on all Black people. #BlackLivesMatter, with the focus on Brionna Taylor, has recently expanded to include women murdered by the police, and has yet to highlight transwomen. A Black woman's voice, right to safety, security, autonomy and sovereignty over her body and Black people's right to freedom from being hunted by the police should not be mutually exclusive.

It can be true that Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, and Russell Simmons made great contributions to creative culture, and also used their celebrity status to abuse and rape women. Their transgressions should not justify the oppression of all Black people. They are not the only Black men we have to admire who have not raped women. We still have James Baldwin, MalcolmX, and Barack Obama, and many unknown Black men quietly living their lives, out of the the spotlight, loving and supporting their families and communities. White people do not have to worry that the entire White race will be represented by the Jeffrey Dahmers and Ted Bundies of the world. Jeffrey Epstein's White female victims risked humiliation and slut shaming from telling their stories, but could rest easy that they did not make White men more vulnerable to being stereotyped as rapists. We will be free from racial oppression as Black people when we are not defined by the worst among us, and do not have to be seen as paragons of virtue, an impossible standard for anyone, in order to enjoy the advantages of full citizenship in the United States.

I believe Anita Hill. I believe Azriel Clary. I believe Drew Dixon. I Believe Black Women and #BlackLivesMatter.