Black Lives Matter Vs. All Lives Matter

Responding to the phrase "Black Lives Matter" with "All Lives Matter" is to ignore the reality that throughout history black lives have not seemed to matter as much other lives except for their value as free labor or property. It is diffusing and confusing the power of the message and removing it from its historic and cultural context. Saying "All Lives Matter" is like marching against violence against women, while chanting "Women's Human rights, take back the night!" Would Helen Reddy's famous feminist anthem "I Am Woman Hear Me Roar" have had the same power if it began, "I am human, hear me roar?"

Black lives do not seem to matter very much in mainstream media. When have you ever seen a one hour 20/20 special about a missing or murdered black woman on prime time? You say "never"? So do I! I've seen several one hour specials about missing blonde white women, repeat episodes of Natalie Holloway, Elizabeth Smart, Dorothy Stratten, and Reeva Steenkamp. I don't see any redheads or brunettes on that list either. My heart aches for them, and I deeply sympathize with their suffering and that of their families. At the same time I wonder why I never see the stories of women of color treated with such sensitivity and care. Now because of increased awareness we are starting to learn the names of murdered black women. Though the story of Sandra Bland's demise in the custody of police has spread like wildfire on social media, we have yet to see a 1 hour prime time special to tell her story and make everyone aware of her uniqueness as a human being, how her death deeply impacted society, and the positive impact she might have had on the world had she survived.

I have seldom seen the phrase, "the girl next door," or "all American" used to describe a woman of color. In the media when something terrible happens to the "girl next door," it conjures up an image of a young, attractive white woman who is a blank slate of purity and promise. When a black person perishes, the story seems to center around what they might have done to cause it. It is seldom told from the slant of "when bad things happen to good people." "All Lives Matter" begs us to ignore the existence of blatant inequality, thus rendering the phrase virtually meaningless. If all lives really did matter, would it really be necessary to say so? Also, are we talking about human lives, animal lives, plant lives...? Is this a vegetarian mantra? Cecil the Lion's life seemed to matter more than black lives. So the phrase "Black Lives Matter" is a direct and positive affirmation repeated in face of incontrovertible evidence that in our society black human lives do not seem to matter as much.

The Things We Fear the Most are Often the Things we Want the Most

Why do we often run away from the things we want the most? When I think of the things that send my pulse pounding it is pursuing my dreams: true love, challenging work, adventures that broaden my mind and open my spirit. Yet in my day to day life, I notice that I also tend to shrink away from the things that make me venture away from the familiar, choosing instead being needed, not loved, the perception of financial security in a steady job, staying home in the comfort of my familiar surroundings, rather than venturing out and risking not being asked to dance, or being caught in bad weather.

Yet I have found that my most life changing moments have been when I have left the confines of the familiar either by choice or by force of circumstance. When a long term relationship ended I felt broken hearted and like a failure, but I worked to heal and move on without bitterness as I trudged agonizingly through each stage of grieving. A year later, I went to seek out this person who had left me, going dancing at an unfamiliar place but met instead a man who was more open hearted than any I had ever known before, and this made me very afraid, but also brought me much more happiness than I have ever known in any relationship. A reorganization resulted in me meeting more supportive colleagues across my workplace. My lease was up at a cheap apartment I had rented with a roommate for several years, and I realized I couldn't afford to rent a studio apartment anymore, and unable to face reality, decided to imagine I had money and looked at condos for sale. Everything came together within six weeks, including a pre-approval for a mortgage that was exactly the amount I needed for a fixer upper condo that just came on the market, and supportive friends who helped me come up with a down payment. A flood that destroyed my home resulted in me being able to rebuild it even better than it was before. Chaos preceded rebirth into something stronger and more beautiful.

Now the question I ask myself is often not "What do I want?" but "What should I want?" or "What does God or 'the universe' want for me?" My vision is much smaller than God's vision for me, I'm sure. I have a purpose on this Earth that goes beyond the fulfillment of my own needs and wants. Our connection to other people is what makes life meaningful. So while I value comfort and security, I want much more from life. I want to connect to other people and make a difference in their lives. I want to travel and see more of the world, and I want to keep in mind that even if life doesn't always seem to go the way I've planned it, there may be a better outcome than anything I could possibly imagine in my own limited vision of things. The fulfillment of our dreams that takes us away from what we've settled for in the name of security can inspire a fear greater than any other, yet having the courage to face our fears bring us closer to the true realization of dreams.