We Are All Harvard University Dining Services Workers

When the HUDS workers announced a strike to fight for sustainable wages and healthcare I felt a surge of renewed energy. Why? I’m not a dining services worker. I have worked for 22 years in the library system as part of HUCTW (Harvard Union of Clerical and Technical Workers), which recently accepted a concessionary contract with 25% increase to our healthcare co-pays. HUCTW did successfully bargain against even worse proposed health care increases that were forced upon Harvard’s professional non- unionized staff: http://openharv.freeforums.net/. Though I have no children, and a higher salary than the average dining services worker, I have to budget very carefully to make ends meet, factoring in the high cost of living in the Boston area, and a hefty student loan debt from my undergraduate and two Master’s degrees. I also have crohn’s disease, a chronic illness, which I have managed successfully, thanks to my health benefits. I am a little apprehensive about the coming healthcare increases in January. I can’t imagine what an enormous burden these cuts to healthcare would be to a dining hall worker who makes less money than I do, and perhaps has a family, a chronic illness, or student loan debt, because…surprise! …they too have aspirations for themselves and their families.

Reading the press releases and the spin put on salary negotiations by the university has been rather disappointing. Saying the burden of the increasing cost of healthcare should be “shared” between the employees and their powerful, wealthy employer implies there is an equal partnership. Taking on the increased cost of healthcare would not really be a financial burden to Harvard, but it would be a severe financial burden to the relatively poorly compensated dining hall workers. Comparing Harvard’s salaries to employers in the private sector who pay even less is a reversal in the image Harvard generally maintains. As a university its peers are other Ivy Leagues, but as an employer it is proud to be better than the lowest paying employers? Harvard’s non-profit tax status should more than make up for the increased cost of healthcare for employees. According to a 2014 article in NY Magazine, if you took away Harvard’s tax exempt status, it would owe the state of Massachusetts 80 million a year. (http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2014/09/take-away- harvards-nonprofit- status.html).

We are all workers performing different essential functions as part of the Harvard ecosystem. No one at Harvard is more important than anyone else. Some of us have more power or opportunities for reasons having more to do with privilege than hard work, merit or intelligence. Some people cook and put food on the table for a living. All of us need food on the table to sustain our lives. We are all students. Some of us are now, have been, or will be in the future. We learn just as much from being part of a community as we do from attending a university. Right now the Harvard dining hall workers are giving us a lesson in standing up for one’s beliefs, and speaking truth to power. There is a great deal at stake for them, and coordinating a strike to fight for better wages and benefits takes great courage. They are standing up for themselves with a powerful and unanimous spirit.

Clerical workers, professors, and even most professional administrative staff have more in common with the dining hall workers than they do with the handful of administrators who make the financial decisions about salaries and wages. Many of the professional staff publically objected to the increased financial strain the cuts to health benefits would impose on them and their families. Without a union they have sustained even worse cuts to their health benefits, which is minimally offset by their salaries, and the prestige of their positions. We all get sick, we all have families to support, and lives to sustain, that is what motivates us to work hard, and aspire to better things.

When I was an undergraduate at Cornell, President Frank T. Rhodes often spoke about “nurturing” the students. “Nurturing” is an appropriate word to describe the role dining hall workers have played in our community. They provide food, and they are a caring presence to the students and the staff. At the rally Wednesday evening one student described how dining hall workers made sure she got her food when her leg was in a cast, and I heard countless similar stories. Now they are giving us an important life lesson. Sustainable wages and good health care are worth fighting for, and they are leading the charge.

Where is the Love?

Recently I have felt overwhelmed by the violent events in the media, though I know that as an individual there is very little I can do about it. I've often avoided re-posting stories that have violent content or graphic pictures, constructing a narrative of my own life, more than my opinions on events beyond my control. That changed this week when I saw the viral story of the murder of Philando Castile, a hard working man in a loving relationship going about his evening errands with his girlfriend and her child.

Though I am bi-racial with a black father and a white mother, and am in a relationship with a white man, when I saw this woman, Lavish Reynolds calmy live streaming the horrific murder by police officer of her partner, I thought of myself and the bonds that connect us to one another. I did not see just another unarmed black man being shot dead by a police officer, I saw a woman losing the man she most loved and treasured in her life. There are so many obstacles and challenges to finding healthy loving relationships. I thought about how the bonds of trust and love we forge as individuals can be shattered and torn apart in an instant by an encounter with empowered fear and hate. I could not stop thinking about Philando Castile. He was not criminal with a record, and even if he was, he did not deserve to be executed at a random traffic stop. He had a good job, was well respected, and abided by the second amendment, the right to bear arms with a permit. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, driving while black.

At times like these I really feel helpless to do anything to change society, except to do my part, love my neighbor, my friends, my family, and speak out when I see injustice. Today my boyfriend and I took a walk in the woods in Concord, near Henry David Thoreau's cabin in the woods, and I mused to him that I would just like to remove my mind from the chaos and focus on beauty and nature instead. I understand why some people want to live "off the grid." Would it serve society better if we could each go off into our own little cabins in the woods and pray for humanity, living lives of prayer, sustainable gardening, and quiet contemplation? Unfortunately, or fortunately, the stages of life, infirmity, and old age do not make living in isolation feasible. We need each other's care, attention, and love.

So, while there are no simple answers, the most powerful thing we can do is make a choice within ourselves not to be an agent of evil and hate. Racism is a societal construct, but it has a very real and pernicious power to destroy society. When faced with a choice, look within, and always choose love, even if it is not easiest choice.

Black Lives Matter Vs. All Lives Matter

Responding to the phrase "Black Lives Matter" with "All Lives Matter" is to ignore the reality that throughout history black lives have not seemed to matter as much other lives except for their value as free labor or property. It is diffusing and confusing the power of the message and removing it from its historic and cultural context. Saying "All Lives Matter" is like marching against violence against women, while chanting "Women's Human rights, take back the night!" Would Helen Reddy's famous feminist anthem "I Am Woman Hear Me Roar" have had the same power if it began, "I am human, hear me roar?"

Black lives do not seem to matter very much in mainstream media. When have you ever seen a one hour 20/20 special about a missing or murdered black woman on prime time? You say "never"? So do I! I've seen several one hour specials about missing blonde white women, repeat episodes of Natalie Holloway, Elizabeth Smart, Dorothy Stratten, and Reeva Steenkamp. I don't see any redheads or brunettes on that list either. My heart aches for them, and I deeply sympathize with their suffering and that of their families. At the same time I wonder why I never see the stories of women of color treated with such sensitivity and care. Now because of increased awareness we are starting to learn the names of murdered black women. Though the story of Sandra Bland's demise in the custody of police has spread like wildfire on social media, we have yet to see a 1 hour prime time special to tell her story and make everyone aware of her uniqueness as a human being, how her death deeply impacted society, and the positive impact she might have had on the world had she survived.

I have seldom seen the phrase, "the girl next door," or "all American" used to describe a woman of color. In the media when something terrible happens to the "girl next door," it conjures up an image of a young, attractive white woman who is a blank slate of purity and promise. When a black person perishes, the story seems to center around what they might have done to cause it. It is seldom told from the slant of "when bad things happen to good people." "All Lives Matter" begs us to ignore the existence of blatant inequality, thus rendering the phrase virtually meaningless. If all lives really did matter, would it really be necessary to say so? Also, are we talking about human lives, animal lives, plant lives...? Is this a vegetarian mantra? Cecil the Lion's life seemed to matter more than black lives. So the phrase "Black Lives Matter" is a direct and positive affirmation repeated in face of incontrovertible evidence that in our society black human lives do not seem to matter as much.

The Things We Fear the Most are Often the Things we Want the Most

Why do we often run away from the things we want the most? When I think of the things that send my pulse pounding it is pursuing my dreams: true love, challenging work, adventures that broaden my mind and open my spirit. Yet in my day to day life, I notice that I also tend to shrink away from the things that make me venture away from the familiar, choosing instead being needed, not loved, the perception of financial security in a steady job, staying home in the comfort of my familiar surroundings, rather than venturing out and risking not being asked to dance, or being caught in bad weather.

Yet I have found that my most life changing moments have been when I have left the confines of the familiar either by choice or by force of circumstance. When a long term relationship ended I felt broken hearted and like a failure, but I worked to heal and move on without bitterness as I trudged agonizingly through each stage of grieving. A year later, I went to seek out this person who had left me, going dancing at an unfamiliar place but met instead a man who was more open hearted than any I had ever known before, and this made me very afraid, but also brought me much more happiness than I have ever known in any relationship. A reorganization resulted in me meeting more supportive colleagues across my workplace. My lease was up at a cheap apartment I had rented with a roommate for several years, and I realized I couldn't afford to rent a studio apartment anymore, and unable to face reality, decided to imagine I had money and looked at condos for sale. Everything came together within six weeks, including a pre-approval for a mortgage that was exactly the amount I needed for a fixer upper condo that just came on the market, and supportive friends who helped me come up with a down payment. A flood that destroyed my home resulted in me being able to rebuild it even better than it was before. Chaos preceded rebirth into something stronger and more beautiful.

Now the question I ask myself is often not "What do I want?" but "What should I want?" or "What does God or 'the universe' want for me?" My vision is much smaller than God's vision for me, I'm sure. I have a purpose on this Earth that goes beyond the fulfillment of my own needs and wants. Our connection to other people is what makes life meaningful. So while I value comfort and security, I want much more from life. I want to connect to other people and make a difference in their lives. I want to travel and see more of the world, and I want to keep in mind that even if life doesn't always seem to go the way I've planned it, there may be a better outcome than anything I could possibly imagine in my own limited vision of things. The fulfillment of our dreams that takes us away from what we've settled for in the name of security can inspire a fear greater than any other, yet having the courage to face our fears bring us closer to the true realization of dreams.

The Gaslighting of Black America

I have been thinking of writing this article for a long time. The death of Sandra Bland has finally given me the courage to do so. In my life as a black person, I’ve come to see some parallels between domestic abuse of women, and racial harassment of black people. As a culture we’ve become more educated about the power dynamics between the sexes, and have been able to name and describe phenomena where behavior crosses the line into abuse. We’ve also come to understand that this abuse is not always gender specific, though men definitely hold more power than women in our society. This same paradigm can be used to understand the oppression of black people in America. Since the Civil Rights movement, blatant racism by mainstream America has been driven underground, and expressed in more subtle, but still pernicious ways. Racial harassment and oppression resembles domestic abuse in these ways:

*Makes the victim believe that it is something they did that caused the attack: i.e., spoke disrespectfully, dressed inappropriately.

*Abuser demonizes the victim to justify abusing them.

*Victim avoids expressing their true feelings for fear of alienating or provoking the abuser.

*Abuser controls where victim goes, certain neighborhoods and clubs are “off limits.”

*Abuser controls victim by obstructing economic opportunities that would allow the victim to function independently.

*Abuser discounts achievements of victim, insults the victim, threatens the victim, minimizes the perceived harm done to victim.

*Makes the victim believe that if they only adjusted their behavior to suit the abuser they would not be abused.

*Displays weapons to the victim.

*Causes physical harm to the victim, sometimes resulting in death.

*Gaslights the victim: makes the victim doubt their perceptions that affirm the reality that they are indeed being abused.

An example of this is a black parent giving their son “the talk” about how to avoid being stereotyped, and exposed to danger from white people who might perceive him as a threat, so that he will avoid suffering the fate of Trayvon Martin. Washington Post writer, Lawrence Otis Graham wrote a candid and insightful article on this topic: "I taught my black kids that their elite upbringing would protect them from discrimination. I was wrong.", describing how he and his wife tried to teach their children the behaviors that would allow them to navigate life, free to learn, explore the world, express their talents and ideas without worrying about the restrictions of race. The illusion that this was possible was shattered with one word shouted by a passerby without provocation at his son: “n*gger.”

Black people balance precariously between embracing their heritage while struggling at the same time to reject negative stereotypes. Ironically it is the voice of oppressed people in the arts that has had the most cultural impact. Black culture is celebrated and emulated by white America in music: soul, funk, jazz, blues, reggae, and rap; and dance, fashion, cooking and sports as well. Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelou, and Martin Luther King are seen as iconic spiritual leaders. On the Cosby show, a mainstream favorite before Bill Cosby fell from grace, race was only referred to indirectly, by discussing cultural heroes such as Nelson Mandela, but avoiding any discussion of apartheid or its relation to segregation in America that might make white people uncomfortable. The Cosby show was popular in part because it portrayed an affluent, happy, stable black family in a post-racial America. Their success was based on respectability, hard work, education, good behavior, and adherence to the values and standards of the fabled middle class. The downside of this show is that it did not reflect the reality of most black people's lives, and seemed to suggest racism was a thing of the past, and that there was no more work to be done. The pressure to conform to a squeaky clean image under impossible circumstances led to an eventual backlash. See Aurin Squire's article "The End of Black Respectability Politics," for a thorough discussion on the demise of the Cosby sweater.

Cultural oppression has put a tourniquet on the ways a black man can safely express his masculinity without being perceived as a threat, such as on the basketball court, the football field, or the boxing ring. The suppression of black masculinity also makes expressing vulnerability very difficult for them. This has given rise to cultural anti heroes who refuse to conform: rappers and gang bangers. Malcolm X, and the Black Panthers would be their spiritual guides. They embrace and celebrate what white mainstream America rejects, the things that make them different, and they have become highly influential. Black slang, perhaps facilitated by social media, is now infiltrating the mainstream lexicon. I’m no longer surprised when I hear an educated white person rocking the black slang, saying they are going “to chill” for awhile. The worst case scenario can happen when young black people see there is no place for them in society. If they can't have respect and love, they will take fear. They will be your worst nightmare. They will pursue a nihilistic existence of living fast and dying young, spreading an ethos of soulless consumerism, taking what they want without mercy: a gangster microcosm of corporate America.

Unfortunately when movies like Menace II Society, Boyz N The Hood, and New Jack City, come out black people worry that they have to fight the perception that they are criminals: lazy, uneducated, and dangerous, limited in the ways they can express themselves, and the things they are capable of achieving. These misperceptions might not only limit their economic opportunities, but may prove deadly as well if they are pulled over by an overzealous police officer or followed by a citizen vigilante. When movies like The Godfather, Goodfellas, Dillinger, and Bonnie and Clyde come out, white people can safely leave their homes without worrying that they will be eyed with suspicion for fear that they might pull off a grand caper, injuring scores of innocent bystanders. Most people give them the benefit of the doubt that they are innocent until proven guilty. When a white person commits a crime it is seen as a defect of the individual, when a black person commits a crime it is seen a defect of the race. White people have the freedom to express their individuality without worrying about the need to conform to a conservative, polite, acceptable mold. Some even go out of their way to prove that they are wild, primal cultural renegades, and they can keep their day jobs.

Why I consider Rachel Dolezal a “Sister"

There has been a lot of controversy over the case of Rachel Dolezal, the former head of the Seattle NAACP who was revealed to be a Caucasian woman passing as black. As a bi-racial woman reading all of the negative reactions I found myself experiencing an unusual feeling for her: empathy. For most of my life I’ve wanted to be something I’m not: white, or completely black. I only recently stopped straightening my hair and let it grow back natural. As a child I watched the Brady Bunch and dreamed of having long flowing beautiful blonde hair, like Marcia or Janet. As an adult, I see a woman being interviewed who was born with natural long blonde hair who wants to have kinky curly hair and tanned skin, like me. What’s more, she said she changed her appearance to look more like me, not one of the Brady girls, so she could “feel beautiful.” I could tell she was genuine when she said it, and my heart melted for her.

The idea of whiteness is based on the concept of racial purity, and in slave days there was the “one drop rule,” where you were considered black, no matter how light skinned you were if you had any black ancestry. Fast forward to today and there is a cultural debate on what constitutes being authentically black. Is it how dark your skin is, or a state of mind? I say it is a combination of the two. The concept of race, like the concept of gender is becoming more fluid. We have bought wholesale stereotypes of blackness, where speaking proper English is called “talking white,” when in reality the black community is very diverse and includes a wide spectrum of colors, cultures, and customs.

Black people are embraced, emulated, and celebrated in art, music, and sports. I think that what troubles people most about Rachel Dolezal’s case is that in assuming blackness, she also occupied a high profile professional position of privilege that people believe rightfully should belong to a woman of color. I don’t think it would have troubled people as much if she were an entertainer, or lower income white woman passing as black. I believe we will have truly arrived as a society when it is no longer necessary to reserve token positions for a few people of color to show diversity in academic and professional careers that are traditionally dominated by white people. This day will arrive faster if we allow anyone, no matter what color they are take up the fight for equality. There are many people of color who have attained high status positions who would, understandably, prefer to fly under the radar, rather than take on what sometimes seems like an impossible fight for racial equality. I welcome anyone who would like to step up to the challenge, no matter what their skin color is.

Some argue that part of white privilege is that today Rachel Dolezal could live as a black woman, but tomorrow she could return to being a white woman. If this is true then we could say the same about Caitlyn Jenner that today she could be a woman, but part of male privilege is that tomorrow she could be a man again if she wanted to. The answer to both is that SHE DOESN’T WANT TO. Bruce Jenner lived at the pinnacle of white male privilege, but deep in his soul he was unhappy because he wanted to be free to live as a woman. Rachel Dolezal was born a white blonde woman, but deep in her soul she wants to live as a black woman. She didn’t have any glib answers for the reporter who asked questions about her deceptions to hide her white racial heritage, and she appears to be in deep denial about her white family because she no longer feels an emotional connection to them for whatever reason. Her desire to live black appears to be more because she genuinely identifies as black, than for status or gain.

This week there was a heinous random hate crime committed in Charleston, South Carolina that resulted in the violent and senseless deaths of nine black people. These were all people who defied the negative stereotypes of black people we always fighting, though that shouldn’t matter. As black people we are always fighting to prove that we are as worthy, as beautiful, as intelligent, as deserving of justice, mercy, and economic opportunities, and we shouldn't have to. Why are we fighting a woman who embraces black culture, wants to be one of us, and wants to fight to uplift us? I say, “keep your chin up, sister,” soon people will get back to arguing about things that really matter and deeply affect our progress as the human race.

Finding Meaning in Mother’s Day

Motherhood comes with very high expectations for womanhood: nurturing, selflessness, wisdom, tirelessness, great cook, good housekeeper, attentive indulgent wife, model citizen, and the patience of a saint. Very few of us, and I would venture to say none of us had mothers who exemplified these qualities, all of the time, or even most of the time. Mothers are not ethereal creatures, they are, like all human beings, flawed, growing, learning as individuals, even as they are raising children, and they are not all cut from the same cloth.

The truth is many mothers lose their patience, or never had much to begin with, are not good housekeepers or cooks, not model citizens, and maybe even share a husband with a few other mothers, whether by choice or not. Our mothers may have abandoned us, neglected us, or even abused us. So, why do we celebrate and praise mothers in such glowing terms of perfection on Mother’s Day? We celebrate mothers as symbols of what we value and hold most dear in family life. We will dig through the mud, and find a diamond in the memory of our mothers, and polish it to perfection. If we have the capacity we will nurture the good qualities we valued or ascribed to her in ourselves, and become competent in caring for ourselves and others.

A mother doesn’t have to be the woman who gave birth to you, or a woman at all. It can be the person who nurtures you, teaches you, cares for you, loves you, and protects you, if you are fortunate to have such a person in your life as a child. A mother may be many people in your life. True motherhood surpasses pure biology, though the act of giving birth is a visceral rite of passage that not every mother experiences.

If we grow up free of challenges we are often unprepared to deal with the real world and conflicts in our relationships. Overcoming the challenges we faced as children helps us to polish our own rough edges, if we survive our childhoods. As much as we may have suffered, if we are able to forgive, we are able to view our imperfect mothers with compassion, and take away the best they had to offer us. If we are lucky we know that as imperfect as our mothers may have been, they loved us with all of their hearts, or as much as they were able to love. The magic of love is that it can grow exponentially if we continue to feed it, and this most of us do naturally with the memory of our mothers.